Aboard the FUNSHIP Fascination
(Featuring guest blogger Sir Deep Reddy)

Oh, if you could see us now out on our FUNSHIP cruise. No sightings of Kathie Lee yet, but we offer a quick recap considering the constraints of 75 cents/minute satellite Internet access at sea. (More to come later from Miss Jack)

* First act upon boarding the FUNSHIP Friday circa 2 pm: watching Lord Fitzgerald talk about when he stopped beating his wife, then introducing the tortured baseball dirt-in-eyes metaphor (a veiled reference I'm sure to Ahmad Chalabi's WMD tactics with a certain reporter).

* Stiles prints out 22-page Scooter indictment on FUNSHIP printer for a mere $11.

* At dinner, the four "newspeople" on cruise join our FUNSHIP dinner compatriots from Ft Lauderdale and Wisconsin (and Greg, whose "girlfriend" was mysteriously missing, though they have an excuse since they were in a hurricane and hadn't showered until boarding the FUNSHIP). The friendly US postalwoman and Orkinman offer that they know nothing about the Valerie Flame case but they dislike GWB anyway. But they give Jeb high marks as Florida governor.

* The FUNSHIP musical presentation of life in Hollywood (entitled "HOLLYWOOD") borders on soft porn, up to and including the dancing women pulling their dresses up over the heads of the four-year-old boys sitting on the front row. Dancing men proceed to enter the stage wearing little more than underwear and raincoats.

* In our first excursion off the FUNSHIP, into Nassau, the Pirate's Pub proves too menacing so we move on to Conch & Fritters Bar and Grill to enjoy a Bahama Mama, Bahama Papa and a Maureen Dowd from that morning's New York Times. It was $3 on the island, but God bless the Sulzbergers for making it available.

* On an evening excursion off the FUNSHIP, to the long lost tourist resort island known as Atlantis, four "newspeople" manage to name just 87 out of the 100 distinguished US Senators in the Name-All-the-US-Senators game. Who are the senators from Wyoming? We proceed to ask every person we meet on the FUNSHIP the rest of the night. Nobody knows, nobody cares.

* At breakfast Sunday morning, Oleksandr, the Ukrainian chef at the Coconut Bar and Grill on board the FUNSHIP, is asked how many fresh and fluffy omelettes he makes to order each morning. His answer: "Oh, somewhere around 100 -- no, how you say -- 1,000. 1,000 omelettes."

Sun is coming out and we're surrounded by water. More updates later from the FUNSHIP.